Some people are people watchers. They enjoy just sitting in the park or at the mall and watching the people walking by. People watchers look at the way other people act and interact, and secretly try to comprehend what makes us tick as human beings. Perhaps it goes deeper for these "people watchers." I used to consider myself one of these. I don't watch so much anymore rather, I think I'd describe myself as one who studies people, or a scholar of human interaction.
Rest assured if you are part of my life, your personality has been intensively studied by me. Not in a bad way by any means. I study you because I am interested in you. I am interested in your thoughts and feelings. I am interested in what interests you. I want to know what your understanding of this world is. I want to know what you are afraid of. And I want to know what you need to become a happier, healthier, more satisfied person. And I want to help you be that person.
I happen to be a very sensitive person that has felt emotional pain very deeply in my life. I have experienced such emotional traumas that for several years I thought about ending my own life. This only came to an end when I was so ready to end the pain that I either had to end my life or I had to literally start life over again and re-learn how to live. In fact, I continue to "re-learn" how to live on a very daily basis to this day, and continue to learn daily for the rest of my life.
My motivation and strong desire to help people improve themselves and overcome their own emotional trauma is then borne out of my recovery from my own emotional traumas. Because I know what it is to hurt like I have, my deepest sympathies go to those who are still suffering from hurts of their own. And my passion then becomes intervening in the midst of their pain, and perhaps they will never feel the debilitating depression that I have felt in my short life.
And for this position, I request the salary of one hug, one handshake, or one expression of gratitude, followed by joy in the lives of those I can encourage. That's all the payment I need or want. Merely the opportunity to make a difference in someones life for the glory of Christ.
Sunday, August 02, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Saving the Pride-aholic
I know I'm not ever going to be perfect, but I'm going to keep pursuing self-improvement as long as I can still breathe. Yes, there was a time that I gave up on it because I was so overwhelmed by my many faults. Perhaps it was fed by the fact that I saw no fruits of my labor. Certainly such a case would lead to intense discouragement.
I sit here and write out of frustration at this moment. In the last five minutes, someone has come through my office and given me grief for doing something that he asked me to do. Unknowingly, I did it in a way that he did not appreciate. Simply put, the job is done. The end result couldn't have been any better. But this fact is overlooked by HIS frustration of the way that I completed the task.
This person is in fact, quite negative and cynical in all of his affairs. Such an existence must be miserable to experience, and I truly do feel sorrow in my heart for him. At the same time, he experiences a sort of denial similar to what we as alcoholics suffer at the height of our disease. He simply won't admit that there is a problem or problems in his life that are robbing him of his joy. I attribute this to pride, caused by a lack of self-worth, caused by emotional damage from the past. That would be the emotional equivalent of the alcoholic cycle of addiction.
My criticism of this person however, comes from the fact that he continues to cause pain in other people's lives without the awareness of the damage he is causing to others and to his own relationships. Furthermore, for me to bring the problem to him would only create a defensive reaction from him and a denial of the events in question. It would be as worthless as a Big Book on a liquor store counter top.
Finally, the worst damage caused by the events of five minutes ago is that now I am left feeling less adequate in my abilities to perform these tasks. It is the completion of the circle of emotional insecurities. If I did not have the security in myself that I have come to develop, this would have reaffirmed my own insecurities in my mind. I would have built up my own pride to compensate for my lack of self-worth, and eventually I would be starting the cycle over again with someone else so that I could build myself up. In this way, my own community will slowly degrade to a society of people merely competing with each other to achieve the greatest sense of self-worth by inter-personal depreciation.
In this situation, I've come to a decision about how to handle my relationship with this person. In his current state, I cannot have a close friendship with him. I cannot associate with him on any other than a superficial level, just as I would not associate with a full-blown alcoholic on any meaningful level. I will be as friendly and available to him as I can, and I will never treat him as he has treated me. And at best I can hope that he will see the joy I have in my own life and seek to follow my example.
As for me, I will take this as a life lesson in my own self-improvement. I simply cannot build or maintain the close personal relationships that I seek with others if I maintain a cynical or negative attitude. Such actions will tear down others and drive them away. Instead, I must look for ways in which others need encouragement and build them up. I've always known that this is biblical, but up until now I have not made a full connection with the purpose of the principle.
We are all emotionally insecure in one way or another. We all need encouragement at times and some need encouragement constantly. I am not on this earth to reinforce negative beliefs in others by tearing them down merely to build my own self-esteem. I am here on this earth to help them conquer their insecurities and ultimately become strong, confident people that will eventually be able to build up those in their own lives. Doing so is a very positive and productive way to improve my own feelings of self-worth, because now I feel valuable to those whom I cherish. And eventually, we'll all live happily ever after.
I sit here and write out of frustration at this moment. In the last five minutes, someone has come through my office and given me grief for doing something that he asked me to do. Unknowingly, I did it in a way that he did not appreciate. Simply put, the job is done. The end result couldn't have been any better. But this fact is overlooked by HIS frustration of the way that I completed the task.
This person is in fact, quite negative and cynical in all of his affairs. Such an existence must be miserable to experience, and I truly do feel sorrow in my heart for him. At the same time, he experiences a sort of denial similar to what we as alcoholics suffer at the height of our disease. He simply won't admit that there is a problem or problems in his life that are robbing him of his joy. I attribute this to pride, caused by a lack of self-worth, caused by emotional damage from the past. That would be the emotional equivalent of the alcoholic cycle of addiction.
My criticism of this person however, comes from the fact that he continues to cause pain in other people's lives without the awareness of the damage he is causing to others and to his own relationships. Furthermore, for me to bring the problem to him would only create a defensive reaction from him and a denial of the events in question. It would be as worthless as a Big Book on a liquor store counter top.
Finally, the worst damage caused by the events of five minutes ago is that now I am left feeling less adequate in my abilities to perform these tasks. It is the completion of the circle of emotional insecurities. If I did not have the security in myself that I have come to develop, this would have reaffirmed my own insecurities in my mind. I would have built up my own pride to compensate for my lack of self-worth, and eventually I would be starting the cycle over again with someone else so that I could build myself up. In this way, my own community will slowly degrade to a society of people merely competing with each other to achieve the greatest sense of self-worth by inter-personal depreciation.
In this situation, I've come to a decision about how to handle my relationship with this person. In his current state, I cannot have a close friendship with him. I cannot associate with him on any other than a superficial level, just as I would not associate with a full-blown alcoholic on any meaningful level. I will be as friendly and available to him as I can, and I will never treat him as he has treated me. And at best I can hope that he will see the joy I have in my own life and seek to follow my example.
As for me, I will take this as a life lesson in my own self-improvement. I simply cannot build or maintain the close personal relationships that I seek with others if I maintain a cynical or negative attitude. Such actions will tear down others and drive them away. Instead, I must look for ways in which others need encouragement and build them up. I've always known that this is biblical, but up until now I have not made a full connection with the purpose of the principle.
We are all emotionally insecure in one way or another. We all need encouragement at times and some need encouragement constantly. I am not on this earth to reinforce negative beliefs in others by tearing them down merely to build my own self-esteem. I am here on this earth to help them conquer their insecurities and ultimately become strong, confident people that will eventually be able to build up those in their own lives. Doing so is a very positive and productive way to improve my own feelings of self-worth, because now I feel valuable to those whom I cherish. And eventually, we'll all live happily ever after.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Toenail Confidential
Why are we so insecure about ourselves? What, you're not insecure you say? Oh of course, you are perfectly well-adjusted. So perfect in fact that you don't need or want others to notice how great you look, how smart or funny you are, or how good you are at what you do. You blend in spectacularly with those around you and no one ever says anything bad about you to your face or behind your back. You in fact, really are perfect. Excellent for you, but I wasn't born perfect. Far from it in fact.
I am insecure. I strive to be perfect and I know I am not, therefore I am self-conscious about my actions, character, and looks. Perfection to me is defined by those characteristics I see in others that I deem "perfect." They are those characteristics that I want to take on myself but cannot or will not. When I fall short of my perfectionistic expectations, I feel worthless. I feel useless. I feel as if I am less of a person, less of a man, or even feel a total failure.
Why? What is perfect in this world. Whose actions are perfect, or character, or looks? And who is perfect in all three of those areas, as well as any other areas that I simply have not thought of yet. I'm sure that as this very sentence goes on, I will think of another way that I am inadequate...compared to someone else.
Well really, that is why I'm so self-conscious. Because when I go to the beach, I have to take off my shirt and reveal my flabby, hairy, vitamin D-deficient torso to the rest of the world. Worse yet, I've got to do it beside my 23-year-old tanned, toned, and tidy roommate. I fall far short of that standard, I'm afraid. Thus I am quite inclined to create any number of reasons to excuse myself from the beach. In my own mind, I simply don't measure up to my roommate.
What I've been learning about this phenomenon is that we all seem to be insecure, self-conscious, and lack confidence in ourselves compared to others. That feeling of inadequacy must be supported by a failure to meet a certain standard in our own minds. We use the qualities others to define our standards of perfection and judge ourselves according to our perceptions of that person. For example, teen-aged girls will compare themselves to models and actresses or others who exude an aura of perfection. I compare my math test results to those of my classmates and create an opinion on my intelligence compared to those classmates.
Are our perceptions of others always true though? Are they often true? Are they ever true? Are the others we see really that perfect? Consider this thought though: is that "perfect" person insecure or self-conscious about himself or any of his qualities? In what ways does he compare himself to his perception of you and judge himself inadequate?
We compare what we see on the outside of others to what we see on the inside of ourselves. That is, we compare the truth in ourselves to the superficial qualities of others. We take the worst of ourselves and compare it to the mask that others want us to see. We therefore base our judgement on information that is completely false, yet we believe it wholeheartedly. We idolize others and demean ourselves in the process. Everyone becomes a hero to us.
We idolize or idealize those we consider heroes as we consider them to be perfect in an area we so long to master. We envy those who we think are perfect or who have perfect skills. Our idealization of these people is similar to what one might experience when one first falls in love. Suddenly this hero becomes invincible in our eyes and can do no wrong. We lose our speech in their presence and stare at them as if they were gods. Yet you look at that person who is sitting on the bed biting their toenails and think to yourself, “wow, he’s perfect.”
For example many of you bite your toenails? How many of you would admit it if you did? Maybe you have and maybe you haven’t. But if you haven’t done that, you’ve done something equally embarrassing in your life that you can think of. And you look at others around you and you’re sure you are the only one who has committed that social sin. It’s that thing that if anybody found out about, you would surely be ousted from the group as a leper. Because in your mind, you are absolutely sure that no one else has done anything like that. But you don’t see those things in others, because you don’t see inside of them. You don’t see their past. You only see what they are willing to show you. Therefore, you make assumptions that so-and-so doesn’t bite their toenails when you know you do. And because you know you do that you feel inferior, less mature, less valuable as a person than those you are comparing yourself to and that typically would be everyone. You are putting everyone on plane higher than yourself, and thus putting yourself down. In reality, everyone has skeletons in the closet. Everyone has unclaimed baggage. Everyone has those things that they’ve done that they wish they hadn’t, or things that have been done to them. Every person with addictions and every person without addictions has them. Every old person and every young person has them.
Just take comfort in knowing that your faults and embarrassments don't put you below anyone else on the social ladder, they just bring you down from the clouds to the level of everyone else. Because if you were perfect and others weren't, you'd be on one hell of an ego trip. And Jesus didn't die for perfect people, he died for those of us who really need to be saved from ourselves. You can be humbled by owning that, but you can also be encouraged by the fact that you are elevated to the level of Christ by accepting his forgiveness. Just like everybody else.
I am insecure. I strive to be perfect and I know I am not, therefore I am self-conscious about my actions, character, and looks. Perfection to me is defined by those characteristics I see in others that I deem "perfect." They are those characteristics that I want to take on myself but cannot or will not. When I fall short of my perfectionistic expectations, I feel worthless. I feel useless. I feel as if I am less of a person, less of a man, or even feel a total failure.
Why? What is perfect in this world. Whose actions are perfect, or character, or looks? And who is perfect in all three of those areas, as well as any other areas that I simply have not thought of yet. I'm sure that as this very sentence goes on, I will think of another way that I am inadequate...compared to someone else.
Well really, that is why I'm so self-conscious. Because when I go to the beach, I have to take off my shirt and reveal my flabby, hairy, vitamin D-deficient torso to the rest of the world. Worse yet, I've got to do it beside my 23-year-old tanned, toned, and tidy roommate. I fall far short of that standard, I'm afraid. Thus I am quite inclined to create any number of reasons to excuse myself from the beach. In my own mind, I simply don't measure up to my roommate.
What I've been learning about this phenomenon is that we all seem to be insecure, self-conscious, and lack confidence in ourselves compared to others. That feeling of inadequacy must be supported by a failure to meet a certain standard in our own minds. We use the qualities others to define our standards of perfection and judge ourselves according to our perceptions of that person. For example, teen-aged girls will compare themselves to models and actresses or others who exude an aura of perfection. I compare my math test results to those of my classmates and create an opinion on my intelligence compared to those classmates.
Are our perceptions of others always true though? Are they often true? Are they ever true? Are the others we see really that perfect? Consider this thought though: is that "perfect" person insecure or self-conscious about himself or any of his qualities? In what ways does he compare himself to his perception of you and judge himself inadequate?
We compare what we see on the outside of others to what we see on the inside of ourselves. That is, we compare the truth in ourselves to the superficial qualities of others. We take the worst of ourselves and compare it to the mask that others want us to see. We therefore base our judgement on information that is completely false, yet we believe it wholeheartedly. We idolize others and demean ourselves in the process. Everyone becomes a hero to us.
We idolize or idealize those we consider heroes as we consider them to be perfect in an area we so long to master. We envy those who we think are perfect or who have perfect skills. Our idealization of these people is similar to what one might experience when one first falls in love. Suddenly this hero becomes invincible in our eyes and can do no wrong. We lose our speech in their presence and stare at them as if they were gods. Yet you look at that person who is sitting on the bed biting their toenails and think to yourself, “wow, he’s perfect.”
For example many of you bite your toenails? How many of you would admit it if you did? Maybe you have and maybe you haven’t. But if you haven’t done that, you’ve done something equally embarrassing in your life that you can think of. And you look at others around you and you’re sure you are the only one who has committed that social sin. It’s that thing that if anybody found out about, you would surely be ousted from the group as a leper. Because in your mind, you are absolutely sure that no one else has done anything like that. But you don’t see those things in others, because you don’t see inside of them. You don’t see their past. You only see what they are willing to show you. Therefore, you make assumptions that so-and-so doesn’t bite their toenails when you know you do. And because you know you do that you feel inferior, less mature, less valuable as a person than those you are comparing yourself to and that typically would be everyone. You are putting everyone on plane higher than yourself, and thus putting yourself down. In reality, everyone has skeletons in the closet. Everyone has unclaimed baggage. Everyone has those things that they’ve done that they wish they hadn’t, or things that have been done to them. Every person with addictions and every person without addictions has them. Every old person and every young person has them.
Just take comfort in knowing that your faults and embarrassments don't put you below anyone else on the social ladder, they just bring you down from the clouds to the level of everyone else. Because if you were perfect and others weren't, you'd be on one hell of an ego trip. And Jesus didn't die for perfect people, he died for those of us who really need to be saved from ourselves. You can be humbled by owning that, but you can also be encouraged by the fact that you are elevated to the level of Christ by accepting his forgiveness. Just like everybody else.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Insecurity breach
The more I get to know people and the more I hear them speak, the more convinced I become that each and every one of us is dealing with a very central and common struggle: our own insecurities. I believe this true especially among the recovery community.
Young or old, rich or poor, intelligent or uneducated, beautiful or homely, each and every one of us struggles with our own self image in some way or another. We are all in different stages of our struggles with insecurity; some of us have learned well how to overcome it while for others it has a constant crippling effect.
Our constant insecurities lead us to seek the approval of others, for if we know that others see us highly than perhaps we just might change our own minds about ourselves. In pursuit of confidence we begin to think and act in ways we hope will impress others. However we are motivated by the perceived benefits for ourselves. When our actions do not bring about the desired results, we retreat in hurt and defeat.
When this pattern occurs over and over again and we find ourselves repeatedly disappointed by the lack of approval of others, we begin to place barricades around our emotions to protect ourselves and our feelings. We talk ourselves into a false sense of not caring what others think but in turn we focus so much on ourselves that we lose all sight of how we treat others. We focus on making ourselves look nice, we buy expensive things merely to be the envy of others, and we eventually convince ourselves that we are better than others. This is called pride.
When the pride of an insecure person is damaged, few if any living creatures on the face of this earth will be spared from the consequences. The prideful person will lash out in fits of anger or sorrow. The conversations of a prideful person will be solely focused on the perceived injustice. Those caught in the aftermath are left hurt and angry themselves, fuelling a chain reaction creating more insecurity and eventually pride.
In that manner pride breeds pride much like I imagine would be the breeding habits of rabbits on Viagra - natural in a way, but with an additive that God never intended. The result is an overpopulation that will consume everything in its path and an organism left completely and utterly alone.
I wish I had a solution that easily broke the cycle. By the time we reach the point of pride our own paradigms are so well developed that we can rarely interrupt them ourselves, if ever it was possible. Perhaps the first step is the simplest in theory though as is often said, simple doesn't necessarily mean easy.
We must acknowledge that we are truly insecure and prideful, for no healing may begin if we don't admit the presence of a wound. Recognize that you are a child of God, created in His image exactly as you are for a specific purpose. Somewhere somehow in our pride, we must learn to trust just one other person. We must wholly trust that person in part based on his or her actions, and in part as a leap of faith on our own. To that person we must tell every detail of our hurts and insecurities. We tell this person all of the injustices we have suffered, and then we admit to all of the injustices we have caused. We admit that we know we aren't perfect and invite God into our lives to do His good work in us. We admit our mistakes and make it right with those who have suffered injustices by our own actions. And we do this over and over again taking notes of our hurts and our fears until we realize that we are no longer motivated by our feelings, but rather by our desire to produce positive results in the lives of ourselves and others.
Simply stated, we take the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and we apply it as if our addiction wasn't alcohol, but rather as if we were addicted to the approval of others.
Young or old, rich or poor, intelligent or uneducated, beautiful or homely, each and every one of us struggles with our own self image in some way or another. We are all in different stages of our struggles with insecurity; some of us have learned well how to overcome it while for others it has a constant crippling effect.
Our constant insecurities lead us to seek the approval of others, for if we know that others see us highly than perhaps we just might change our own minds about ourselves. In pursuit of confidence we begin to think and act in ways we hope will impress others. However we are motivated by the perceived benefits for ourselves. When our actions do not bring about the desired results, we retreat in hurt and defeat.
When this pattern occurs over and over again and we find ourselves repeatedly disappointed by the lack of approval of others, we begin to place barricades around our emotions to protect ourselves and our feelings. We talk ourselves into a false sense of not caring what others think but in turn we focus so much on ourselves that we lose all sight of how we treat others. We focus on making ourselves look nice, we buy expensive things merely to be the envy of others, and we eventually convince ourselves that we are better than others. This is called pride.
When the pride of an insecure person is damaged, few if any living creatures on the face of this earth will be spared from the consequences. The prideful person will lash out in fits of anger or sorrow. The conversations of a prideful person will be solely focused on the perceived injustice. Those caught in the aftermath are left hurt and angry themselves, fuelling a chain reaction creating more insecurity and eventually pride.
In that manner pride breeds pride much like I imagine would be the breeding habits of rabbits on Viagra - natural in a way, but with an additive that God never intended. The result is an overpopulation that will consume everything in its path and an organism left completely and utterly alone.
I wish I had a solution that easily broke the cycle. By the time we reach the point of pride our own paradigms are so well developed that we can rarely interrupt them ourselves, if ever it was possible. Perhaps the first step is the simplest in theory though as is often said, simple doesn't necessarily mean easy.
We must acknowledge that we are truly insecure and prideful, for no healing may begin if we don't admit the presence of a wound. Recognize that you are a child of God, created in His image exactly as you are for a specific purpose. Somewhere somehow in our pride, we must learn to trust just one other person. We must wholly trust that person in part based on his or her actions, and in part as a leap of faith on our own. To that person we must tell every detail of our hurts and insecurities. We tell this person all of the injustices we have suffered, and then we admit to all of the injustices we have caused. We admit that we know we aren't perfect and invite God into our lives to do His good work in us. We admit our mistakes and make it right with those who have suffered injustices by our own actions. And we do this over and over again taking notes of our hurts and our fears until we realize that we are no longer motivated by our feelings, but rather by our desire to produce positive results in the lives of ourselves and others.
Simply stated, we take the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and we apply it as if our addiction wasn't alcohol, but rather as if we were addicted to the approval of others.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
With my compliments
I love listening to other people recovering from addictions talk about their sobriety. It seems like they always say one of two things about their rebirth. Either it has been great and they can’t imagine a better life, or every single day has been an intense struggle to stay sober.
I think it’s so interesting that addicts seem to subscribe to one extreme or the other. I find it difficult to identify with only one extreme.
In fact I tend to see life as a bit of a roller coaster in a bipolar sort of fashion. Most of the time I’m high on life, living carefree and tending to my responsibilities with ease. At other times I can barely muster the strength to exist.
Today I have experienced both. At my high points I achieved every goal for the day and in my lows I retreated to the protection of my inner thoughts. By the end of the day I needed to experience no more hurt. I needed to nurture one else’s anger. I needed to find a release for the negative energy I had somehow accumulated throughout the day.
After reviewing my day I might be inclined to label this a “bad” day. Low points overcame high ones, sorrow defeated happiness, and insecurity won out over confidence. However, after a recent lesson by a trusted friend, I am not nearly as inclined to draw such a quick conclusion. As it turns out, I had been suffering from a chronic case of modern westernized thought. I was quick to associate a negative feeling with the day. In contrast, I would compare it to what I’d assume is the natural opposite, a good day.
My trusted friend brought about a new concept in thinking, however. It seems that the opposite of what I’m used to is actually the compliment to it: Ancient eastern thought. That is, there is really no such thing as an opposite. Think about opposites for a moment. What is the relationship between day and night? Hot and cold? Light and dark? Male and female? Fun and unpleasant? We quickly label the relationships as “opposite,” in opposition to or contradictory. In this frame of mind the merging of the two creates great conflict as mortal enemies would clash in battle.
This is rarely the case. The reality is that each of these opposite relationships are actually not opposite at all, but complimentary. In the same way as we accept the romantic belief that opposites attract, the relationship between a man and woman is complimentary, not opposite. There is (usually) no battle when man and woman are joined in unity.
The same logic applies to night and day. When the two meet there is no conflict. There is no violent reaction. What there is instead is a sunset, or a sunrise, a beautiful merging of assumed enemies. How would we know what one is without the other? If there was no night, how would we know the difference from day? Furthermore, how would we ever know to appreciate the sun if we never knew darkness, or vice versa? And how would we ever know and appreciate happiness if we did not know grief? Grief compliments happiness because without it we wouldn’t even know happiness existed.
So next time I think a “bad” thought or feel an “unpleasant” feeling, I need not be so critical of it. The emotion associated with it is not negative at all, it is merely a compliment to a positive feeling. It exists for two reasons, first to motivate me toward a rewarding emotion, and second to teach me to appreciate and enjoy that reward while I have it.
I think it’s so interesting that addicts seem to subscribe to one extreme or the other. I find it difficult to identify with only one extreme.
In fact I tend to see life as a bit of a roller coaster in a bipolar sort of fashion. Most of the time I’m high on life, living carefree and tending to my responsibilities with ease. At other times I can barely muster the strength to exist.
Today I have experienced both. At my high points I achieved every goal for the day and in my lows I retreated to the protection of my inner thoughts. By the end of the day I needed to experience no more hurt. I needed to nurture one else’s anger. I needed to find a release for the negative energy I had somehow accumulated throughout the day.
After reviewing my day I might be inclined to label this a “bad” day. Low points overcame high ones, sorrow defeated happiness, and insecurity won out over confidence. However, after a recent lesson by a trusted friend, I am not nearly as inclined to draw such a quick conclusion. As it turns out, I had been suffering from a chronic case of modern westernized thought. I was quick to associate a negative feeling with the day. In contrast, I would compare it to what I’d assume is the natural opposite, a good day.
My trusted friend brought about a new concept in thinking, however. It seems that the opposite of what I’m used to is actually the compliment to it: Ancient eastern thought. That is, there is really no such thing as an opposite. Think about opposites for a moment. What is the relationship between day and night? Hot and cold? Light and dark? Male and female? Fun and unpleasant? We quickly label the relationships as “opposite,” in opposition to or contradictory. In this frame of mind the merging of the two creates great conflict as mortal enemies would clash in battle.
This is rarely the case. The reality is that each of these opposite relationships are actually not opposite at all, but complimentary. In the same way as we accept the romantic belief that opposites attract, the relationship between a man and woman is complimentary, not opposite. There is (usually) no battle when man and woman are joined in unity.
The same logic applies to night and day. When the two meet there is no conflict. There is no violent reaction. What there is instead is a sunset, or a sunrise, a beautiful merging of assumed enemies. How would we know what one is without the other? If there was no night, how would we know the difference from day? Furthermore, how would we ever know to appreciate the sun if we never knew darkness, or vice versa? And how would we ever know and appreciate happiness if we did not know grief? Grief compliments happiness because without it we wouldn’t even know happiness existed.
So next time I think a “bad” thought or feel an “unpleasant” feeling, I need not be so critical of it. The emotion associated with it is not negative at all, it is merely a compliment to a positive feeling. It exists for two reasons, first to motivate me toward a rewarding emotion, and second to teach me to appreciate and enjoy that reward while I have it.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
I like ice cream
I like peanut butter on my apples. I like windy days. I like ripped jeans. I like the smell of orange blossoms. I like old books. I like the ocean. I like ice cream--alot.
I like peace.
I like sailboats.
I like hammocks.
I like sunsets.
I like candles.
I like to talk.
I like to listen.
I like treasure, though not silver or gold. I like the treasure found in others.
I embrace my inner child. I just cannot control him.
I like people, yet I am alone in a crowd.
I like to be alone. There is where I find my friends.
I like to be healthy. I still feel sick.
I like simplicity. Things are complex.
I like silence. The world is so noisy.
I like to take it slow. Everything moves so fast.
I like ice cream.
I do not like the dark.
I do not like the cold.
I do not like broken toys, broken dreams, or broken hearts.
I do not like "bad guys."
I do not like assumptions.
I do not like risks.
I do not like anger.
I do not like hurt or pain. Sometimes I do like to cry.
I do not like secrets.
I do not like a mess. I do not like to clean.
I do not like to read. I like to collect books.
I do not like to spend money. I like to buy things.
I do not like to go to bed. I do not like to get up.
I do not do what I want to do. I do what I do not want to do.
I do not want to change. I do not want to stay the same.
I know what I like. I know what I do not like. Yet it seems like there is always conflict. There is constant struggle to find an even compromise. Why am I the way that I am? Have I created myself or am I a victim of my past?
I think truth lies within both. I created my past. I am a victim of my past. I am a victim of my own creation. My struggle is to survive and come out victorious.
I fight many battles. I know I have won some of them, but I often feel that I have lost many more. I still fight. The battles are bloody. I have many scars. I have many wounds that have not healed. I wonder if they will ever heal. I wonder if I will be restored or remain disabled.
Will anyone ever overlook the wounds? Or will I be cast outside the city gates as a leper? Will anyone in this world be able to see the strength inside, or will they just look at the weakness of the flesh?
I do not like the dark.
I do not like broken hearts.
I like ice cream.
I like peace.
I like sailboats.
I like hammocks.
I like sunsets.
I like candles.
I like to talk.
I like to listen.
I like treasure, though not silver or gold. I like the treasure found in others.
I embrace my inner child. I just cannot control him.
I like people, yet I am alone in a crowd.
I like to be alone. There is where I find my friends.
I like to be healthy. I still feel sick.
I like simplicity. Things are complex.
I like silence. The world is so noisy.
I like to take it slow. Everything moves so fast.
I like ice cream.
I do not like the dark.
I do not like the cold.
I do not like broken toys, broken dreams, or broken hearts.
I do not like "bad guys."
I do not like assumptions.
I do not like risks.
I do not like anger.
I do not like hurt or pain. Sometimes I do like to cry.
I do not like secrets.
I do not like a mess. I do not like to clean.
I do not like to read. I like to collect books.
I do not like to spend money. I like to buy things.
I do not like to go to bed. I do not like to get up.
I do not do what I want to do. I do what I do not want to do.
I do not want to change. I do not want to stay the same.
I know what I like. I know what I do not like. Yet it seems like there is always conflict. There is constant struggle to find an even compromise. Why am I the way that I am? Have I created myself or am I a victim of my past?
I think truth lies within both. I created my past. I am a victim of my past. I am a victim of my own creation. My struggle is to survive and come out victorious.
I fight many battles. I know I have won some of them, but I often feel that I have lost many more. I still fight. The battles are bloody. I have many scars. I have many wounds that have not healed. I wonder if they will ever heal. I wonder if I will be restored or remain disabled.
Will anyone ever overlook the wounds? Or will I be cast outside the city gates as a leper? Will anyone in this world be able to see the strength inside, or will they just look at the weakness of the flesh?
I do not like the dark.
I do not like broken hearts.
I like ice cream.
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